Wretched Emotion

Such is this wretched emotion;

Jealousy is an ugly feeling.

To know that you are yearning for something

Something that is or was or never will be yours

Yet to want it so badly...

And know you can't have it

Or that maybe you never did

Or never will

...It's an ugly feeling.

It's not something that makes you feel happy

You don't feel proud to know that you're jealous

It is not something you proclaim to the world joyously

Or at all for that matter.

To know that you're jealous

Is to realize that something vile has been growing inside you

That you can't get rid of

That you wish you never knew the meaning of

Yet are stuck with regardless of how you feel about it.

It makes you angry

It makes you livid

You become wild

Maybe even obsessed

There's hardly a thing you can do about it

It's stuck in you

Like an infestation.

And to get rid of it is to lose interest in what you covet

Yet to lose interest means to not care

To not bother

It makes you feel that perhaps now,

Maybe you don't love what it is you're jealous of anymore

Maybe it's value has diminished

And you don't want that.

So you stay jealous.

It eats at you

It makes you sick

It forces you to become just as ugly as it

And all the more you love that thing you cannot have

That you never had

Or maybe lost

Or that you maybe never will have

In the most ugliest of manners.

Jealousy is a wretched emotion.

originally created and finished 30 Jan 2009