Let's Not Talk About This

"...So, have you done it?"

"Done what?"

"It."

"...It? What are you talking about."

"It. Y'know, IT. The dirty."

"No. ...Why are you asking me this?"

"Because..."

"Because why? Have you done it?"

"No! Don't accuse me like that."

"Accuse you? I'm merely asking you the same question."

"Yeah, but still! It sounds like you're making me out to be some whore."

"Whoa, whoa, those are your words, not mine. Though you do dress skanky."

"I do not!"

"Uh-huh. That skirt barely covers your ass."

"It's mid-thigh, shut up."

"And that shirt hugs you in suggestive places."

"It's small, what can I say?"

"Small? It looks like you shopped in the kids department of the clothing store. Where the hell did you get these clothes anyway?"

"Why? You don't think they're cute? I thought so. They match my shoes."

"Shoes, my ass. Those aren't normal shoes. Sluts wear those."

"Are you calling me a slut?"

"No, I'm just saying you dress like one. I mean, c'mon, who the hell dresses like you? Honestly."

"...Many people."

"Yeah. If they're hookers on the street."

"I'm not a hooker."

"Then why are you wearing clubbing shoes? Your feet are huge."

"I'm not Bigfoot, okay?"

"Even your toes are painted."

"To match my hands, duh."

"You... did you wax your legs?"

"What, you expected me to waste time shaving?"

"Don't tell me... did you also do your...?"

"Don't ask me that! That's embarrassing!"

"Well what? Did you do it right?"

"Of course I did it right! I did all of it right! You wanna see?!"

"No! God, no, put that down, you're going to blind someone."

"Well you wanted to know!"

"I didn't say flash me! ---Are you wearing a bra?"

"You expect me not to? That's stupid."

"That's a water bra. Why the hell are you wearing a water bra?"

"It's the most natural feeling enhancer. It's not like padded ones. You can tell the difference when you touch 'em."

"...You don't even have anything to enhance."

"What? Excuse me?"

"You're a guy, Mark. You don't even have man boobs."

"Thus the water bra."

"Ugh. You disgust me."

"What? No I don't. You wouldn't talk to me if I did."

"Sometimes I wonder. ...You even have makeup on. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me."

"You have your brain screwed on wrong."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

"Uh, yes you do. No normal man would do the things you do. Hell, I don't know if I can even call you a man anymore."

"Hey!"

"What, I'm being honest."

"How mean."

"Oh don't get me started. Y'know what? I'm jettin'. I'll see you later, Mark. You hooker."

"I'm not a hooker!"

"Thong wearer."

"That's not a thong!"

"Do I see straps? Thoooong."

"Jesse!"

"Hooooker."

"Hey, don't walk away from me!"

"See ya, man. Oh wait. Wo-man."

"Stoooop!"